Interviewer: How did you get to humans?
Covid-19: The truth is that I don’t know how I ended up visiting humans, I lived quietly among the horseshoe bats. In fact, I was on my way to one of them when I was interrupted.
Interviewer: Why didn’t you go back to find that bat?
Covid-19: Well, I felt comfortable. Then I jumped on a human.
Interviewer: So, are you the first one, the original?
Covid-19: Yes, I am like Count Dracula to vampires.
Interviewer: What is your goal in life?
Covid-19: Travel the world and multiply. It’s been very easy for me; I haven’t even needed a passport or visa. I did not expect this, I thought it was an unattainable dream.
Interviewer: What do you think will happen to the world after your adventures? Doesn’t it give you regrets?
Covid-19: I just do the job that I was designed for by nature. We are a lot, and I represent one of those who protect the balance.
Interviewer: How is that? Which balance are you referring to?
Covid-19: We are in harmony with our regular hosts. We are like an invisible electrified wall that will electrocute anyone who breaks through it. We have given previous warnings, but they were not enough.
Interviewer: Do you mean that you have been here before?
Covid-19: Not me, my cousins. It seems that people find it challenging to understand the warnings.
Interviewer: I am sorry that you are right. What has been the key to your success?
Covid-19: There are several methods that I used, I have learned from colleagues. It was crucial to me that they didn’t discover me quickly. Therefore, I multiplied quietly and, as a “Trojan horse,” made people believe that I was not there to infect others without knowing it. I, who had never emerged from the jungle, was amazed at how easy it was. People sneeze, cough, without covering their mouths, I was not going to miss this opportunity, and my brothers traveled in the droplets of saliva.
Interviewer: Is it true that you remain active where you fall?
Covid-19: Sure! That was another of my methods. Many do not wash their hands before eating or after arriving home, or before touching their faces; thus, I contaminated everything I could. And answering your specific question, being active depends on the material. We are not doing so well with aluminum, we can last a few hours, but so far I have not seen anyone dressed in that material.
Interviewer: And what about …
Covid-19: Wait a minute, I forgot. Do you know what else I do?
Interviewer: Please tell me.
Covid-19: I float for like three hours. I learned to levitate, what about that? Isn’t it cool?
Interviewer: How do you do it?
Covid-19: Well, I am a bit heavy compared to others. However, if it was a good sneeze or cough with extra small drops, like dew or mist, I manage to maintain levitation if the conditions favor me. I heard that people said that it was only 10 minutes, that showed me that I managed to convince them, they did not have my cunning, and so they told people not to wear face masks if they were healthy.
Interviewer: Do you mind to tell us how to prevent you?
Covid-19: Look; honestly, I don’t have a problem telling you. There will always be people who won’t follow recommendations and rest assured that I will sneak in thanks to that. One way is for everyone to wear masks. However, it was not recommended because, with lousy manipulation, we still enter. To a certain extent, they were right, but they did not take into account my levitation power. By the way, since there are people without symptoms, they do not use them, but I am there. Well, not me directly, my clones. And we don’t miss a single opportunity. The other reason was knowing that people go crazy and leave healthcare personnel and others who need it without the product. By the way, I would like to clarify to the public opinion that we are not opportunists. We are only looking for ways to evolve and what better training than to fight against different natural defenses and reach everyone. We practice equality, first of all.
Interviewer: We have seen that. You do not care about social position, age, bank account, religion, political party, gender. You are in everything.
Covid-19: Yes, I couldn’t have said it better. We don’t care who the host is or what they do. Just to have a host is all we need. Without one, we don’t survive, unless they touch something where we are active. In fact, I’m going to tell you. One of us expressed to me the anguish he felt. This happens to all of us who do not come directly to a host. It turns out that this friend had fallen into some newspapers. He was about to say goodbye to the world when the next morning someone came to the kiosk and bought the paper where he was. Not long afterward, my fellow Covid had been transferred to the hand. Minutes later, the gentleman moistened his index finger with his tongue to turn a page. It was scary, but he was saved. Although I can’t say the same about the gentleman.
Interviewer: Tell me one thing. Why this cruelty with the elderly or with people with pre-existing pathologies?
Covid-19: We do the same in all the bodies we invade, but most of the time, we find organisms that eliminate us, others let us reproduce limitlessly. What is bad for humans is that we go further than they wish we could, but they shouldn’t be surprised. They also reproduce a lot, they are everywhere and destroy things in their path. We are very much alike.
Interviewer: Do you mean that humans are like a virus?
Covid-19: Not exactly, I would say that they are like a bacterium because they are alive, but they act a bit like us. Some of them kill their host directly in their area or indirectly with the decisions they make. Others try to live in harmony. Unlike some humans who often do things remotely, or command others to do their job, our service is personalized, virus to body.
Interviewer: How long do you plan to stay?
Covid-19: This is like a sabbatical. No rush. After much time in the jungle, this surprise came my way, and I’m enjoying it. I am almost immortal as long as I have accommodation. It is up to humans how long I stay. I am very grateful for the lack of awareness of people, they do not care what happens to others, even if they are affected. Some believe that nothing will happen to them. I really don’t understand why they think like that, I get to wherever and whoever. As I have already said, I do not distinguish, they believe they are unique. For me, they are all the same.
Interviewer: Could you tell us how to beat you?
Covid-19: Well, someone already took the genome out of me. I guess they will try to stop me. People already know how to save time while developing something against me.
Interviewer: Could you be more specific?
Covid-19: I don’t want to say it. It is what they are already doing, but halfway, or they started late while I spread without regard. In some countries, they keep us in line, but we will insist, any oversight we will not miss.
Interviewer: Could you tell us what you think of how people have reacted?
Covid-19: Believe it or not, I laughed rolling on the floor. I heard from some of my siblings about people taking white rolls and antibacterial soaps. They got to a convenience store thanks to someone who sneezed at ease. I didn’t understand the white roll thingy as I don’t cause diarrhea, well, in a few cases it has happened, but I do not like people pooping in their pants, it is not our style. I would say those are accidents. By the way, those who take everything leaving nothing to the rest are no safer. It must be they believe we won’t knock on their door if they are cleaner than others. By the way, they don’t know that we are not bacteria, haha.
Interviewer: Of course, you are not bacteria, but the soap helps, doesn’t it?
Covid-19: Yes, well, if they wash their hands correctly, they cut the fat and screw us. But I laugh at the antibacterial gel, there is one that I love: strawberry. Things change when you have enough alcohol, I’m a terrible drinker. That makes me dizzy, and I fall into an ethyl coma after about 5 or 10 minutes, and then I’m done.
Interviewer: To end this interview, what does the immediate future have in store for you? Will other relatives of yours come?
Covid-19: What happens will depend on humans. If people do not assimilate their individual responsibility towards others, thinking about the common good, they can continue to see the effects of my or our presence indefinitely. On the other hand, where I came from, there are many more. If they repeat actions similar to those that brought me to fame, it will only be a matter of time. A family member of mine will have the joy of knowing the world of sapiens. I also want to say that it seems curious to me that people call themselves “wise” or sapiens. The so-called “sapiens” shouldn’t spend their lives trying to kill one another, destroy the only planet they have, and put so many things that do not matter before those that matter. As I said, life is simple for me, I just need a host. Humans are responsible for multiplying my kind, and I just sit and watch.
Interviewer: I really appreciate your time. I understand these days you are very busy.
Covid-19: That’s right. Thank you for interviewing me, and as I am grateful I will not infect you, nor those who are here in the studio. Let’s say it’s a professional courtesy, but don’t be careless, you know how I am.
Written by Lunyzbreid López
0 Comments